Sometimes we sit idly, caught up in
a vast web of emotions and blinded in the moment, feeling as though the walls
are slowly compressing and eliminating the air in which we crave. We are so distraught; we can no longer
clearly see our dreams and aspirations.
Rather, those become the faintest of lines, overridden by large and
looming obstacles desiring to suppress all happiness, hope, and joy. We become choked up, thinking that there is
no more to life than what is in view, and desire to succumb to even the
faintest of temptations in order to deviate from a path yielding so little
opportunity. As those walls draw closer,
we similarly withdraw from those around us, as though they too are now
foreboding features when they ironically might very well be our salvation. Depression consumes the mind; passion is lost
and replaced by mere desire to escape.
But what are we truly escaping?
Though our views are imprisoned by fear and our passion is crippled by
reason, all is not lost. Too often
people yearn for greatness; yet fail to realize that the journey towards it
will be full of trials and tribulations well beyond even the most vivid of
imaginations. To be successful, we need
more than just dreams, for those will, at times, be clouded over or
imperceptible. We need a combination of
passion, drive, desire, mental tenacity, and an overwhelming tendency towards
optimism.
What does
it mean to be passionate? Does it mean
that you want something so badly that you are willing to do whatever it may
take to get it? Or is it perhaps that we
find something we care so much about that the rest of life seems to pale in
comparison? Passion comes in numerous
forms, be it passion in a relationship, passion in work, passion in sports,
etc. Each person chooses involuntarily
to be passionate about something. Even
those who claim to be impartial are passionate about standing on a neutral
ground. We need things that we believe
in strongly so that we can work towards them.
Otherwise we would all be content merely existing and never expanding in
knowledge or power. Choose something
that you can pursue wholeheartedly.
I recall
days long past where I would sit in solitude, reminiscing on decisions that
were less that desirable. I would sit
for hours at a time thinking through every detail of my actions and try to delineate
my reasoning and thought process. I had
become so critical of myself that I could find errors in every gesture, word,
or action.
I sit and ponder and reflect often
on the past. I long sometimes to go back
and to change it all in order to reduce some of the pain that I find myself
feeling in retrospect. I wish that I had
known some things without the lessons that ensued. I know that I have made some major mistakes
and I wish that I could be at a place where they no longer plagued me. But sadly, here I am dwelling yet again on
things that I cannot change and longing to be a better person than I am. I feel
that I do not deserve all of the wonderful things that life has given and shown
me. But I also know that that feeling
ensures I continually appreciate the beauty that is life. Without pain and darkness, it is hard to see
how bright everything else is. I am a
girl who foolishly has always made decisions from my heart with little regard
for my mind. Now I get to deal with that
on a constant basis, but I know that in the grand scheme of things I am very
lucky indeed. My problems are so few in
a world that is so very vast. I need to
step aside from myself and take a new perspective so that I do not miss out on
a life that is so worth living. And this is a life worth living J
