A Life Worth Living

Sometimes we sit idly, caught up in a vast web of emotions and blinded in the moment, feeling as though the walls are slowly compressing and eliminating the air in which we crave.  We are so distraught; we can no longer clearly see our dreams and aspirations.  Rather, those become the faintest of lines, overridden by large and looming obstacles desiring to suppress all happiness, hope, and joy.  We become choked up, thinking that there is no more to life than what is in view, and desire to succumb to even the faintest of temptations in order to deviate from a path yielding so little opportunity.  As those walls draw closer, we similarly withdraw from those around us, as though they too are now foreboding features when they ironically might very well be our salvation.  Depression consumes the mind; passion is lost and replaced by mere desire to escape.  But what are we truly escaping?  Though our views are imprisoned by fear and our passion is crippled by reason, all is not lost.  Too often people yearn for greatness; yet fail to realize that the journey towards it will be full of trials and tribulations well beyond even the most vivid of imaginations.  To be successful, we need more than just dreams, for those will, at times, be clouded over or imperceptible.  We need a combination of passion, drive, desire, mental tenacity, and an overwhelming tendency towards optimism. 

            What does it mean to be passionate?  Does it mean that you want something so badly that you are willing to do whatever it may take to get it?  Or is it perhaps that we find something we care so much about that the rest of life seems to pale in comparison?  Passion comes in numerous forms, be it passion in a relationship, passion in work, passion in sports, etc.  Each person chooses involuntarily to be passionate about something.  Even those who claim to be impartial are passionate about standing on a neutral ground.  We need things that we believe in strongly so that we can work towards them.  Otherwise we would all be content merely existing and never expanding in knowledge or power.  Choose something that you can pursue wholeheartedly. 

            I recall days long past where I would sit in solitude, reminiscing on decisions that were less that desirable.  I would sit for hours at a time thinking through every detail of my actions and try to delineate my reasoning and thought process.  I had become so critical of myself that I could find errors in every gesture, word, or action.

I sit and ponder and reflect often on the past.  I long sometimes to go back and to change it all in order to reduce some of the pain that I find myself feeling in retrospect.  I wish that I had known some things without the lessons that ensued.  I know that I have made some major mistakes and I wish that I could be at a place where they no longer plagued me.  But sadly, here I am dwelling yet again on things that I cannot change and longing to be a better person than I am. I feel that I do not deserve all of the wonderful things that life has given and shown me.  But I also know that that feeling ensures I continually appreciate the beauty that is life.  Without pain and darkness, it is hard to see how bright everything else is.  I am a girl who foolishly has always made decisions from my heart with little regard for my mind.  Now I get to deal with that on a constant basis, but I know that in the grand scheme of things I am very lucky indeed.  My problems are so few in a world that is so very vast.  I need to step aside from myself and take a new perspective so that I do not miss out on a life that is so worth living.   And this is a life worth living J